I tried this about a year ago. Not my best work, but enough to inspire another try.
There were so many videos I considered for this one:
Oran “Juice” Jones – “The Rain” (other than the super awesome rap at the end, I just can’t get into this one)
Def Leppard – “Pour Some Sugar on Me” (UK Version) (Ridiculous video, but I doubt too many of you are familiar with the UK video for this song)
Love & Rockets – “So Alive” (this video is part “live” performance, part late 80s video cliches, and part stuff that totally confuses me. Add to that the fact that the song is still awesome 20+ years later, and all I have are obvious jokes)
I figured I would have to settle for something by Greg Kihn, since making fun of “Jeopardy” takes little effort. Then, I remembered a glorious video from 1983.
I bring you, “Stuff I Learned Watching Rockwell’s ‘Somebody’s Watching Me.'”
0:00 – Little-known fact: Rockwell is the son of Motown Records founder Berry Gordy. I bring this up because I was a little shocked to see that newspapers in Detroit are written in Japanese.
0:12 – When you’re super-paranoid like Rockwell, it’s always best to own the biggest dog possible. There’s nothing like a human-sized silhouette running around your house at night to give you comfort.
0:34 – Birds are awesome. Especially Crows. Giant dog + noisy bird = 24/7 party!
0:44 – When you’re sure you have a stalker, always keep your naughty bits covered in the shower. Sure, you might face a few health and hygiene issues, but its totally worth it for the peace of mind.
0:52 – When you’re super-paranoid, you should have as many creepy things hanging on the wall as possible. They’ll scare your stalker away and not bother you one bit!
entire song – Never mind that you’re from Detroit, the ladies love a man that speaks in a fake British accent. LOVE HIM.
0:59 – Remember that thing about keeping your naughty bits covered? Well that’s out the window when you have the opportunity to get the top of your butt crack on MTV. Seriously, who would pass that up?
1:15 – always leave the television on. It scares away intruders and will NEVER play into your stalker paranoia.
1:24 – When possible, buy a house with a graveyard in the backyard. Great conversation starter! Bonus points if you can get a headstone with your name on it.
1:30 – Ignore any weird dudes in diapers hanging out in your backyard/graveyard. Everyone has a creepy-yet-harmless neighbor. There’s no possible way he’s the stalker you’re singing about.
2:03 – those little Vietnamese pigs are awesome, and even the ugly ones need love. He’ll fit in nicely with your crow and gigantic dog.
2:06 – Of course, that pig may just be your gigantic dog. Perhaps you were a little to happy for happy hour?
2:14 – When holding someone hostage, an upstairs closet is an acceptable replacement for a basement.
2:20 – Taking another shower will make the crazy go away. Maybe. Couldn’t hurt, anyway.
2:52 – I have been woefully misinformed about that monster under the bed!