Long story very short, I’m looking at something in the near future that may well change my life drastically.
Now, there’s a lot going through a person’s head going into these types of situations. For me, I found myself reassessing who I am, my behavior leading up to this, and what I’ve accomplished in life. I didn’t like any of the answers.
To start, being a religious person, I was (and still am) praying constantly. The problem? I found that I was praying only for my well being. Do I really care that little about other people? I like to think I’m a caring, giving person, but it seems I can only do that when things are good for me. At the end of the day, it turns out I’m a self-absorbed narcissist.
I’ve also come to the realization that I’m truly friendless. Since I’m not looking for any reassurance in this area, I’ll explain further. Most of my social interactions come at work. Being the type of person that uses alone time to recharge, I don’t generally do much of anything with my off time. The result is that I have a bunch of acquaintances, but no real friends. So, nobody really dislikes me, but they also don’t exactly miss me when I’m not around. At 35 years old, this is going to be a difficult problem to fix; I’m very set in my ways!
Anyway, I’m not looking for pity here (though advice would be appreciated!), as these issues are my own fault. Mostly, I’m just thinking out loud about some stuff I need to address. If I can serve as a cautionary tale for someone else, that’s just bonus points!