I’ve been promising a blog entry dealing with the impact of porn on women in modern society for a very long time now. It’s something that’s been rolling around in my head since I realized there are far more high school and college aged women claiming to be bisexual than there were back in my day (in case you’re wondering, I’m 32 and will be 33 in roughly a month). The 18-year-old bisexual girl I worked with a few years ago that wore her sexuality like some sort of badge of honor is who truly inspired this line of thought.
Why haven’t I typed this up sooner? To be 100% honest, I just don’t understand women. Combine that with an overall fear of, well, making a fool of myself, and you’ll understand why I’m typing this up two and a half years down the road from the original piece.
However, I’ve also come to the realization that this issue may be bigger than porn. I’ll try my best to make this easy to follow. 😉
As with pretty much anything I write, this is a work in progress, and I may not agree with it at all in about a week, as I’m always striving to learn more and better understand human motivation.
I have a MySpace friend that recently sent out the following bulletin:
Come to my page and listen to my amazing song. I have the lyrics posted up in the music section so you can read along.
It’s talks about the struggles so many young girls go through today. They are living in a generation where it is normal not to have a father around. LOVE your little girls. Make sure they KNOW they are loved. The first time they hear they are truly beautiful it shouldn’t be from the guy taking them to prom.
The song in question:
I’m not going to post the lyrics, but they can be found here.
Based on all that, I’m starting to wonder if all of the sexual issues and screwed up relationships we see today don’t stem from a distortion of Genesis 2:23-24:
23 The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”
24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
I once worked with a guy that said marriage is an “outdated institution.” Unfortunately, he may be right. Let me explain…
I believe all of the world’s problems can be boiled down to two universal truths:
1) People are selfish.
2) People are stupid. (for the sake of a simple 3-word rule, I’m defining stupid as “knowing better, but acting anyway.”)
None of us are exempt from either rule.
How does this apply to the modern relationship? Well, what I see happening is a bunch of people trying to fill an inherent desire to “become one flesh” with things they shouldn’t. For men porn is a big issue, though there are other things. While I realize women can be addicted to the same stuff as men, from my observations I see a bunch of young girls conforming to what they think men want them to be. Example: Lots of young men look at porn. In pornography, all women are bisexual. As a result, we see a rise in the number of openly bisexual young women out there (in other words, a girl who is bi is considered pretty darn cool). Probably an oversimplification, but you see my point. 😉
From there, you then have a bunch of dysfunctional people having kids. Where do those kids look for an example of how to be a parent? Thus the circle of life turns into a downward spiral.
What should we do instead? Well, I think the following quote from Maya Angelou sums it up:
A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.
Ultimately, we’re all pursuing personal desires and nothing more. “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last and the servant of all.” (probably a paraphrase, as I never can remember where that’s found in the Gospel of Matthew). Until we can put ourselves aside, marriage is an “outdated institution,” and the pornified society wins.
The above is a paraphrase from a lecture by R. Steven Notley, not to mention a very true statement. It’s the first thing that came to mind when I read the following blog entry over at the Treasures MySpace page:
We have recently been in contact with Crystal (not her real name) a 21-year-old mother of two who has been dancing since she was just 15 years old. She has experienced her fair share of tragedy and heartache. For the sake of confidentiality, I will not share her story, but trust me, it would break your heart to know what she has had to overcome in short her years on this planet.
About two weeks ago, she made the decision to start going to church in her small town where she hoped to develop her relationship with God. She found a church where she received the love and prayers of the pastor and his wife. Unfortunately, not everyone in the congregation shared their heart towards her.
A couple of days ago, two women from the church who found out what she does for a living, showed up on her doorstep and explained that they did not feel comfortable with this young girl putting her children in children’s ministry with their children. Tremendously hurt and devastated, Crystal called her pastor to tell him what happened. He assured her that the women were out of line and that he would speak to them about the matter.
A few hours later, 6 women showed up at her doorstep threatening her, “The next time you go running to the pastor will be your last!”
Crystal was overwhelmed with feelings of anger. It took everything in her to resist the temptation to turn her anger inward and harm herself. She once again called the pastor and his wife who offered their sincere regrets and support.
The next morning, Crystal woke up to find that her car had been vandalized. In the middle of the, someone painted “Whore, Prostitute, Slut” and other names too vile to repeat. The paint was removable, the words are not.
Crystal told me that she doesn’t want to see anything come in the way of her love of God and her desire to know Him. But she is beginning to wonder if she has the guts to go to church and face the judgment she has been experiencing. And I don’t blame her. Even as she was telling me what happened, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs in frustration!
Where is the love? Where is the heart of Jesus in all of this? Have we forgotten that he is the same Jesus that extended compassion and mercy to an adulterous woman that the religious people of his day wanted to stone? He is the same Jesus that challenged, “If anyone of you is without sin, let him cast the first stone.”
NOBODY COULD! None of us can today either. They all walked away. Every single one of them. And Jesus looked at the woman in her shame and showed her love and mercy.
We are His ambassadors. We are His hands and feet. How people know that He is a God of love and grace if WE do not show them? It is the goodness of God that leads us to change our ways….not the condemnation of people.
My heart aches over what this young woman has been going through. I wonder if most of us would have the guts to go to church after experiencing something like she has. Would you? Could you?
I know that there are many churches, many leaders, many people throughout this world that are representing the heart of God in a sincere way. This gives me hope because we have a job to do. There are hurting Crystal’s all around us. People who have felt isolated and rejected. People who WANT to come to church, but they are afraid…not of God, but of US.
Let us never forget that our greatest command is to love God with all of our heart and to love our neighbor as ourselves. (Mark 12:29-31)
Are you up for it?
PS. As I am writing this I just received a call from Crystal who just had a “chance” encounter with a woman who pastors a church with her husband in Crystal’s area. Knowing nothing about what Crystal has been through this week, the woman invited Crystal to church and encouraged her that it was a safe place for people to come regardless of their lifestyle. She mentioned that many of the people have come from backgrounds of addiction and prostitution. His love never fails!
“Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:39)